Session 12: Henry Cloud
They bring Henry Cloud in at the end to help you deal with everything you’ve learned.
How in the world do you survive when you live halfway between (you wish halfway) where you are and where you want to be?
Leaders take ownership of things. They take responsibility for things.
Sometimes stuff is hard, like firing your son because he was a jerk, and realizing your are is dad and you raised him to be a jerk.
It’s really hard to be in charge of yourself.
The CEOs that spiral out and fail are totally different than the guys that last and survive.
They hired a bunch of guys that passed the aptitude test and they hired a bunch of guys that flunked.
53% difference in sales. The guys that flunked out blew the smart guys out of the water.
The guys that spiraled downward in their thoughts were the ones that flunked the test. It wasn’t an ability test, it was an optimism test.
The number 1 factor of CEOs succeeding and not spiralling out, based on data, is if they believe it can really happen. If they can believe that they can succeed through difficulty.
At some point the circumstances around them will be out of control. “Learned helplessness”
40% are feeling stress from things they can’t control, elders, board, market conditions, a bunch of other people are feeling stress from their co-workers, the people around them.
He got kind of weird on his statistics there. I think because he didn’t have his infographic up to go off of.
When you are out of control, your brain begins to change. Your brain begins to process things around you differently than when it is not under stress.
We believe in cause and effect relationships in everything. When 2+2 doesn’t equal 4, we being interpret things differently.
P P P
You begin interpreting things Personally
– I’m not good enough
– I didn’t talk to the right donors
– I’m not the right guy
Kids do it and realize they can’t please their parents. They think it’s themselves.
Then you go Pervasive
– all of my clients hate me
– everybody thinks I’m a fool
– I’m not good at any of that stuff anywhere
As this stuff continues, it becomes Permanent
– It’ll always be like this
– I’ll never be able to do this
– This is hopeless
“Science and the Bible always agree and that’s called reality. And if they don’t you have wacky scientists or wacky Christians and there are plenty of both!”
The employees in the investment industry were all entering into “Learned Helplessnesss” They couldn’t wake up in the morning. They woke up every night in the middle of the night.
They couldn’t think through their accounts.
They couldn’t even pick up the phone and make a call.
Henry told them to log their negative thoughts.
99% of what they thought was going to happen, or what was going to be said, wasn’t said
Whenever you have a thought, dispute that sucker as soon as it comes into your head.
Thought says you are going to fail, dispute it, Bible says I am God’s workmanship created to do this work.
“If you’re a person of faith, put bible verses in there. If you aren’t a person of faith, don’t worry, God put you in this position for a purpose too!”
Suddenly you’ll see:
It’s not Personal
It’s not Pervasive
It’s not Permanent
“Your life is not a movie, it is a scene.”
Man that is good advice for guys at the mission. It is just a scene of the movie.
Log and dispute those negative thoughts together on your team.
Look at what you can control and what you can’t control.
When the investment people saw stuff they COULD control, they went after it!
Doing the things you can control change a lot. Airline stewardesses were stressed about union stuff. He told them they could smile. They took control of taking care of their passengers.
Your brain will turn into a sesspool of stress and circumstances if you let it.
Your brain runs on Oxygen and glucose and relationships.
You need people to connect. The opposite of doing bad is love.
We became ashamed in the Bible they tried to do good but they also got away from God. When you are in relationship, you forget about the judgment and you start solving problems.
When they subjected monkeys to stress and the monkey’s buddy is in the cage, the monkey’s stress level, physiologically, in their bloodstream, dropped by 50%.
Henry took investment brokers through the 3Ps at the start of the recession and people got their spouses back! Kids got their dads back!
Find a way thinking. That is what was different in CEOs that escaped being eaten by the downward spiral.
my brain has been stuffed to the max.